Matthew 6:24 (NIV) “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
DOUBLE-MINDED: Undecided; vacillating.
Our God is a jealous God. He will share devotion with no one. He will share glory with no one. When we allow ourselves to be sucked into temptation, we become double-minded; uncertain in all we do. We are no longer totally focused on our Lord, but rather on our Lord AND something or someone else. This is not only unacceptable in the sight of God, but, unless you are on an island all by yourself where your thoughts, words and deeds can affect you alone, others are touched by your sin as well.
It is with much pain and shame that I confess that I have fallen into the sin of double-mindedness. I have for the last 3-4 months been living with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom. It is a very stressful way to live as you strive to keep alive that which you have talked yourself into believing you need and must have in spite of the consequences. I have been selfish, besmirched the name of Christ and cheapened His grace by my thoughts, words and deeds and as a result have deeply wounded more than once the one person in my life that did not deserve such treatment … my lovely wife whom God has given to me. I have lied to her, many times right to her face. For that I am ashamed. I know better and acted inappropriately and sinfully with God watching. My precious wife has exhibited the grace (the undeserved favor of God) to me in such a beautiful way that I realize I am unworthy of her, yet just as I am unworthy of the forgiveness of God, I have been made worthy by His blood. I have sought forgiveness from my God and from my wife and have received it in all its fullness. I will be availing myself of an accountability partner, a trusted friend of mine, to help keep me from ever becoming unstable in this area again. This long distance “affair of the heart” that I engaged in, was one of the most egregious acts against a loved one I have ever committed. I am here to tell you that after the events from last night, I stand before you a changed man. This change is not by my own hand, for alone I could have never changed. The change came from the unconditional love both my wife and God showed me. If it were not for them both only God knows where I would be right now.
Don’t think too harshly of me I beg, for while there is absolutely NO justification or excuse for my actions, it is very easy to be dragged down by the wiles of Satan. He truly is out to destroy the family and is making inroads to a greater degree each day. Through the grace of God and His power alone, I am trusting that I will rise from the ashes of the fire I started and become once again the man of God and husband that I have been and desire to be. Please decide ever so wisely which way you should go in your life and strive to protect, rather than deceive, that which is most dear to you. I forgot that very thing and shall pay the consequences for my actions. I accept responsibility for my actions and will be making myself accountable to our church family Sunday morning which I think, while it isn’t required, is more than appropriate for MY sake more than anyone else. Public confession is good for the soul and is a proper first step towards redemption.
Finally, I would like to say that I will be taking a hiatus from my devotional writing to allow the Spirit of God to refresh and rebuild me. Today I am no longer a broken man, but rather a man who sees the hope that confession can bring. I will rise up from this and be back to write my devos again. Keep watching out for my reappearance, for I will have much to tell about the love, grace and mercy of my wife and my God.
As always,WALK WITH THE KING TODAY AND BE A BLESSING!!
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